The constant need to “should” yourself is what people-pleasing is all about. Should I prioritize someone else’s happiness before my own? Should I go above and beyond motivating and helping others get ahead? Should I say yes to everyone’s demands?
How are you doing you? The fact is, do you!
“I should help…” is the constant struggle for the people-pleaser. You continuously give yourself, your all to everyone around you, assuming that in doing so, you will be met and received with the love that you are craving. Being a people-pleaser is extremely exhausting. Your focus is not on you. It is constantly on other individuals’ struggles, journeys, misfortunes and unhappiness. You feel completely responsible to help. However, this is not actually helping anyone. People use people-pleasers. This is not necessarily because they want to but because you are readily available to meet all their needs. This “nice” person act is not getting you ahead in life or serving you in any way.
Often, people-pleasing is used as a distraction from stepping into your personal power. It is sometimes used to avoid your own pain and struggles because you do not have the direction or guidance you need to find your authenticity.
Here are some steps that you can take that will help you stop people-pleasing and start taking back your energy and personal power in your relationships:
BOUNDARIES:
It is completely ok to say NO. Actually, I encourage you to make this your practice.
“No, I’m sorry I can not help with that.”
“No, I’m sorry I can not devote my time to this.”
“No, thank you,” without an explanation.
I’m aware it’s easier said than done. This is because you have identified that helping people is the “right” thing to do. This is not “right” if you are struggling.
FAIR EXCHANGE:
In every relationship or experience, there needs to be a fair exchange of energies. It is not your job to over-extend yourself, your energy, and your time, and not receive the same exchange. Reevaluate your relationships.
SET GOALS:
Set goals for yourself and actually meet them. Prioritize your time. You need to get yourself focused and ahead.
YOUR MANTRA:
“I AM ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY, GIVE ALL MY ENERGY AND TIME TOWARDS MY PASSIONS, AND FIND MY JOY. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S HAPPINESS. I AM NOT TAKING AWAY FROM OTHERS WHEN I DO THIS. I AM FREE.”
If you are finding it difficult to do this and apply these steps, then it’s important that you challenge your belief systems. Who in your childhood told you that you needed to sacrifice yourself for others because that’s what makes you a good person?
Who told you that it was your responsibility to serve others instead of being there for your needs and joys?
If you want to learn more about boundaries, join SOUL THRIVE our membership content page.
It’s amazing when you decide to go into the direction of healing, to find that positive focus can bring you joy, but eventually you still need to deal with your pain. Spirituality can be used as a codependency to avoid your pain, thus being in spiritual bypassing. Negative emotion is not a bad thing, its …
When a lightworker is taken. I was heart broken to find out that a fellow lightworker was taken in the most tragic way just a few days ago. She was someone who gave, had an open heart no matter what her struggles were and she always helped people. I called her a lightworker, because lightworkers …
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PEOPLE PLEASING
The constant need to “should” yourself is what people-pleasing is all about. Should I prioritize someone else’s happiness before my own? Should I go above and beyond motivating and helping others get ahead? Should I say yes to everyone’s demands?
How are you doing you? The fact is, do you!
“I should help…” is the constant struggle for the people-pleaser. You continuously give yourself, your all to everyone around you, assuming that in doing so, you will be met and received with the love that you are craving. Being a people-pleaser is extremely exhausting. Your focus is not on you. It is constantly on other individuals’ struggles, journeys, misfortunes and unhappiness. You feel completely responsible to help. However, this is not actually helping anyone. People use people-pleasers. This is not necessarily because they want to but because you are readily available to meet all their needs. This “nice” person act is not getting you ahead in life or serving you in any way.
Often, people-pleasing is used as a distraction from stepping into your personal power. It is sometimes used to avoid your own pain and struggles because you do not have the direction or guidance you need to find your authenticity.
Here are some steps that you can take that will help you stop people-pleasing and start taking back your energy and personal power in your relationships:
BOUNDARIES:
It is completely ok to say NO. Actually, I encourage you to make this your practice.
“No, I’m sorry I can not help with that.”
“No, I’m sorry I can not devote my time to this.”
“No, thank you,” without an explanation.
I’m aware it’s easier said than done. This is because you have identified that helping people is the “right” thing to do. This is not “right” if you are struggling.
FAIR EXCHANGE:
In every relationship or experience, there needs to be a fair exchange of energies. It is not your job to over-extend yourself, your energy, and your time, and not receive the same exchange. Reevaluate your relationships.
SET GOALS:
Set goals for yourself and actually meet them. Prioritize your time. You need to get yourself focused and ahead.
YOUR MANTRA:
“I AM ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY, GIVE ALL MY ENERGY AND TIME TOWARDS MY PASSIONS, AND FIND MY JOY. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S HAPPINESS. I AM NOT TAKING AWAY FROM OTHERS WHEN I DO THIS. I AM FREE.”
If you are finding it difficult to do this and apply these steps, then it’s important that you challenge your belief systems. Who in your childhood told you that you needed to sacrifice yourself for others because that’s what makes you a good person?
Who told you that it was your responsibility to serve others instead of being there for your needs and joys?
If you want to learn more about boundaries, join SOUL THRIVE our membership content page.
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